April

Well on the 10th I experienced for the first time a new life come into this world.

Lilly came, Lilly is Kalanis new baby sister and that makes her mine also just by association. I got to hold her just two days after she was born. It was a feeling I cannot describe. She is a new life and I'll get to see her grow up from that one special day that I got to hold her at a precious ...two days old.

p.s
Dear, Lily
Kalani and I have talked it over and well your name is pretty and all but were going to call you Kainoa when you get older you will understand.

So Kainoa I love you and can't wait to see you again!

So with this wonderful life that just came into this world, not to bring it down because I could not be more filled with joy over her

I could not help this new life making me think of death and how when you get one you loose one...

I just prepare thats all.

you confuse me

and it makes me feel angry, and I think horrible thoughts.

Your not horrible, but annoying.

Beautiful, yet stupid.

I love you and I hate you.

You seem to have no reality and that makes me jealous because I was brought up with "reality" shoved deep down in me... so deep I don't think I can ever get it all out.

day in and out ..and to this day. Reality in my face!

You play and play and play.

A part of me wishes it will hit you really hard in the face and even maybe scar you one day and you will see and feel this reality I live with.

You and your playing annoys me to my bones

Your beauty has my love

and right now I wanna smack you in the face.

change

..is always a friend of mine

and a big change is going to happen very very very very soon. I'm excited!

I ask for change, I asked for this.

I prep myself for the day when change is not a choice.

I welcome change.

wtf

I seriously think my hairs not growing!

Today

Well I was up at 7am left for school around 725am and got to school right on time. Studied in the library then did more studying with my partner for my oral presentation in spanish on the 17th.

I turned in my application for the coffee bean (hopefully I'll get the job so I can go to AZ in the summer) ...came home did PSY homework and my quiz and got a 10/10 :) then did MORE homework but for spanish. I got a baby sitting job for next week meaning I get spending money!!

Now the fun part of my day was getting to play with my new sewing machine and I'm almost done with my first purse!! I just have to do the strap. I can't wait for some free time so I can play with it more.

Zack came over and we went and got Thai food, I ordered summer rolls. Yum! Zack got yucky yellow curry.

I'm trying to start to write more I believe it's good for the soul, but sorry my day was not very interesting. It was a really good day though.

My days are really feeling like they are going by so fast! I was up at seven and next thing I know after my spanish class and a little study time, it was 11:30!! And by the time I got home after turning in my application it was past noon! Time is fleeting me :( So I'm really trying to pack as much into my day as I can!

adios!

punkin

I have no backbone and I never mean what I say.

I'm glad.

te amo.

good choice?

It was a good choice for right now and with something like this there is no such thing as a clean cut, my cut is jagged, very jagged and it will take some time to clean it up.

But now I'm "free". Free to make my own decisions, string free.

I will miss a lot and it will hurt a lot at times but I really believe I made the right choice for right now.